Sleeping Beauty...?
by Jessica C Potter
Summary: Okay. This was a school project that I just felt like putting up. For the project, we had to take a fairy tale and put it in a modern-day setting. My teacher let me put in Harry Potter characters. Read only at your own risk.


A/N: Okay. Before you start thinking "What the hell was she thinking?", I just want to let you know that this was a school project, so I couldn't make it that *cough cough* interesting. For instance, there's no cussing, and I didn't feel like changing all the "dangs" to "damns".(o.O wups, so much for no cussing…) I morphed most of the personalities, and there are some cheesy guy jokes, such as "Guys don't know anything," and some really stupid cheesy jokes that I don't have a name for. Don't ask me why I even bothered posting it, I lost the notebook that I was writing my other fic in, so until I find it, I'm going to be putting up a lot of things that I've already written that don't make any sense. Oh, well, I got full marks, and that's coming from a teacher who's never read Harry Potter (shame on her!), so I guess it's not that bad…  
  
  
  
Sleeping Beauty…?  
  
Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a king named Vernon, a queen named Petunia, and a spoiled little prince named Dudley. The Dursley's despised magic of any sort, so it was their dumb luck when they got landed with another baby boy who happened, by sheer fortune, to be a wizard. Of course, they had no choice, because a fairy in long blue robes named Dumbledore brought him to them. The kid's parents had been blown up by some evil sorcerer called Vol—er, You-Know-Who. So anyway, this kid, Harry Potter, became a prince too. They were all living happily—at least, King Vernon, Queen Petunia, and Prince Dudley were. Prince Harry was absolutely miserable, but how would a one-year-old know?  
  
Later, in a place a lot farther away than the Dursleys' pathetic mansion, a nice royal family called the Changs had a baby girl two years ago named Cho and are having a birthday party for her. They were all very happy about this when three fairies in long robes (except for one of them, who had a frilly pink dress on) came to them.  
  
Snape: How come I'm the only one wearing a frilly pink dress?  
  
McGonagall: Because you're mean.  
  
Snape: Well, you're mean, too!  
  
Dumbledore: Shut up, both of you! *turns to Changs* We've come to give Princess Cho her birthday presents.  
  
Queen Chang: Really? Great! Go right ahead.  
  
McGonagall: I will give her good looks.  
  
Snape: I will give her brains.  
  
Dumbledore: And I will give her—  
  
But he is interrupted by a loud BANG! Lord Voldemort has come to crash the party!  
  
King Chang: *gasps* It's You-Know-Who!  
  
Queen Chang: *rolls eyes* Get a grip and say his name for crying out loud! Be a man! Watch me. *turns to face Voldemort and gasps* Oh, no! It's Lord Voldemort! *sinks to floor in dead faint*  
  
Dumbledore: Go away, Voldemort, or I shall be forced to hurt you really bad for crashing the party!  
  
Voldemort: Oooo, I'm so scared.  
  
Dumbledore: Shove it, you ancient zombie.  
  
Voldemort: Look who's talking, you old fogie!  
  
Dumbledore: You wanna start something?  
  
Voldemort: Bring it on!!!  
  
Dumbledore: It's already been broughten!  
  
So Dumbledore and Voldemort get in a really big fistfight, rather than using their wands, and finally, Voldemort takes a breath to curse Princess Cho.  
  
Voldemort: When she uses a sewing machine, she shall prick her finger and die! *evil laughter* MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Instead of his wand making a loud sound, it lets off a little *poof*. Everyone stares in forced amazement. Then with another really loud bang, Voldemort vanishes before anyone can make fun of his wand. For a while, everyone is standing around, trying to remember what happens next in the story. Finally, Dumbledore speaks.  
  
Dumbledore: Well, I guess this is the part when I'm supposed to say, "She will only fall into a deep sleep and wake up when a prince kisses her." Okay. She will only fall into a deep sleep and wake up when a prince kisses her. And now I think I'm supposed to take her to live with us so she will be relatively safe from Lord Voldemort. *looks at Changs* You will see her again when she's sixteen.  
  
Snape and McGonagall then leave to Dumbledore can discuss the adoption rights with the Changs.  
  
So later, Fairy Dumbledore takes baby Cho and brings her to a cottage where the fairies McGonagall and Snape are waiting.  
  
McGonagall: Really, Snape, it's not that bad.  
  
Snape: *mutters* Speak for youself.  
  
Just as McGonagall is about to smack Snape for being mean, they all realize that Princess Cho is crawling around and blowing spit bubbles.  
  
Princess Cho: Goo! Gaa!  
  
McGonagall: *sighs* This is going to be a long fourteen years.  
  
All right, now back to Prince Harry. He, too, was walking—er, crawling around on the floor and gurgling. The Wealseys, who were visiting because who knows why, (maybe to pay off debts to the king, queen, and snotty prince for no apparent reason) thought he was absolutely adorable.  
  
Mrs. Weasley: Isn't he absolutely adorable?  
  
Mr. Weasley: Yep, and we've got a ten-year-old, an eight-year-old, two three-year-olds that wreak havoc and mayhem, a one-year-old, and another one on the way. *glances upward and sighs* Lord help us.  
  
Lord Voldemort: No, why should I?  
  
Mr. Weasley: No, not you.  
  
Voldemort: Oh. Sorry.  
  
Mrs. Weasley: *pats stomach* I don't mind, dear. *looks down at Harry* Oh, my! He's got a cut on his forehead!  
  
Mr. Weasley: Yeah, that can happen when you get in a fight with a big bad Dark Lord dude.  
  
Voldemort: *sends down a large lighting bolt making Mr. Weasley's hair stick up* Never refer to me as "dude" EVER AGAIN!  
  
Mr. Weasley: Sheesh, alright, alright…  
  
Okay. So fourteen years later, Princess Cho turns sixteen while Harry's still fifteen. But Princess Cho doesn't know she's a princess because she lives with three other people who don't tell her anything, not even that they're fairies. And they also made her believe that they are her aunt and uncles.  
  
Cho: Uncle Albus! Can I go to Diagon Alley?  
  
Albus: Ask your uncle.  
  
Cho: Uncle Severus! Can I go to Diagon Alley?  
  
Severus: *without looking up from the Daily Prophet* Ask your aunt.  
  
Cho: *impatiently* Aunt Minerva! CAN I PLEASE GO TO DIAGON ALLEY?!  
  
Minerva: *looks up from sewing machine* Yeah, sure, whatever. Just do me one favor, hon, and don't listen to anyone who asks you to use a sewing machine.  
  
Cho: Whatever.  
  
So Cho goes to Diagon Alley, but first stops into the Leaky Cauldron for a drink. And who should she meet Prince Harry. Of course, Cho, who is totally oblivious to anything going on in the outside world, has so idea who he is, but nonetheless falls in love with him, even though he's a year younger. They talk and give each other googly-eyed-love-sick looks until Cho realizes that she's way past her curfew. Minerva, Albus, and Severus are so gonna kill her if she doesn't get back home soon, so she says good- bye to Prince Harry, and neither of them are smart enough to swap phone numbers, e-mail addresses, or even first names, so things start to get really screwed up.  
  
So back at her cottage, she is sneaking upstairs to her room as quietly as she can when she hears this really loud sound.  
  
Albus, Severus, and McGonagall: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHO!  
  
Cho: *blinks* Thanks, guys! But why are you still up if not to bust me ofr being out way past my curfew?  
  
Severus: *looks at others* Well, we thought about that, so as it's your sixteenth birthday and all, we're giving you a break.  
  
Minerva: Yeah, instead of grounding you from the phone, all parties, and the Internet, we're just taking away the phone and Internet.  
  
Cho: *grumbles* Okay.  
  
Albus: Oh, yeah, and you're a princess, we're all fairies, you're being stalked by a deranged psycho killer who's best way of killing is by poking you with a sewing needle, but it's all okay 'cuz he can't find you. *draws breath and looks at everyone* Did I miss anything?  
  
Everyone nods and McGonagall does something with her fingers that looks like two people together.  
  
Albus: Oh, yeah! *slaps his head* And you're supposed to marry Prince Harry.  
  
Cho: *splutters* But…why…oh, that's not fair!  
  
And she storms up to her room and slams the door.  
  
Minerva: Oh, that went well.  
  
Albus: Just give her some time.  
  
Snape gives them a look, shaking his head, as if he knows something they don't.  
  
Snape: And I do! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Narrator: Stop that. You're scaring me.  
  
Snape: Boo.  
  
All right, now we're going to leave Snape to his own messed up self to see what our newfound princess is doing. As it happens, she is lying on her bed and crying her eyes out because she can't marry the guy she met in the pub. And she now realizes that life isn't fair.  
  
Princess Cho: Life isn't fair.  
  
So she decides to be a rebel and goes online on her cool blue iMac and meets some weirdo.  
  
Voldemort: *on as dariddler* Hey, cutie.  
  
Cho: *on as ravenclawseeker* What's up?  
  
Dariddler: Not much.  
  
Ravenclawseeker: same here. I'm actually supposed to be grounded.  
  
Dariddler: well good for you to ignore them. *pauses* Hey, how about we meet in Diagon Alley?  
  
Ravenclawseeker: Naa. It's too late.  
  
Dariddler: Okay, then how about downstairs?  
  
Ravenclawseeker: I'd rather not.  
  
Dariddler: Fine, have it your way.  
  
There's a knock at her door. Cho opens it to find some really ugly guy with a wand standing there. Princess Cho now assumes that whoever those people who had been watching her all these years were asleep and didn't hear him come in.  
  
Princess Cho: What do you want?  
  
Voldemort: *grins* Imperio!  
  
Voldemort makes Cho go downstairs to where "Aunt" Minerva was sewing and makes Cho prick her finger on the cursed needle.  
  
Cho: Ouch!  
  
She instantly falls into a deep sleep, snoring loudly.  
  
So Severus Snape, who is a light sleeper, wakes everyone else up because he heard something downstairs. And oh, boo hoo, they're too late, so Voldemort goes away, laughing his head off, and the next day the three fairies bring Cho back to the Chang's castle where she can sleep somewhat comfortably in wait for Prince Harry to come and kiss her and wake her up so they can live happily ever after.  
  
Prince Harry: Hey, wait a second. That wasn't in the job description!  
  
Narrator: Get used to it, bub, women will make you do a lot of things in life that you'd rather not do.  
  
Harry: Says who?  
  
Narrator: Says me. *sends down large lightning bolt that makes Harry's hair stick up even worse*  
  
Harry: *stubbornly* Then I don't want to marry her.  
  
Narrator: Then who're you going to marry? A guy?  
  
Harry: *flushes* No…  
  
Narrator: Then get moving.  
  
Harry grumbles some more, so I send down more lightning bolts until Harry runs down the hill from the Dursleys' mansion as if it was on fire.  
  
Narrator: Now that's more like it.  
  
So now he's at Princess Cho's castle, and thinks it's a whole lot better than the Dursley's puny mansion. Then he begins to wonder why he didn't just ride his Firebolt all the way here instead. Oh, well, who really knows how a guy's mind works? Well, he ends up Summoning it anyway, since there's a really big bottomless moat all the way around the castle that Voldemort decided to put there.  
  
Voldemort: Oh, no! He is foiling my plan!  
  
So Voldemort turns into a big pink dragon to block Harry's way because he feels like it.  
  
Voldemort: Why pink?  
  
Narrator: Because I say so.  
  
Harry: Drop it. There's no point in arguing with her. *sees that Voldemort has turned into a dragon and moans* Another dragon? As if two weren't bad enough!  
  
Voldemort: Surrender!  
  
Harry: No, way! You killed my father!  
  
Voldemort: No, Harry. I am your father.  
  
Harry: Wrong movie. And since when do you watch Star Wars? I thought that was too much of a soft option for you.  
  
Voldemort: Ahh, well, my dear boy—  
  
Narrator: Ahem.  
  
Voldemort: Oh, yeah. Oops. *clears throat* Ahem. ROAR!  
  
Harry: Oh, wow, that was really scary. I hope you don't mind me saying that you definitely need some tic tacs or something cuz your breath STINKS.  
  
Voldemort: Now look who's got the wrong movie.  
  
Harry: So? It fits with the storyline. *pulls out wand and does the Conjunctivitis Curse on Voldemort*  
  
Dragon/Voldemort: *spell hits eye* NOOOOOO!!! *falls down bottomless cliff*  
  
Harry: Loser.  
  
So Prince Harry flies up to Princess Cho's room, where she's still sleeping and snoring loudly. Harry walks closer as Cho lifts a hand to wipe her nose.  
  
Prince Harry: Oh, gross! I actually have to kiss her?  
  
Narrator: Yeah, hurry up.  
  
Harry: *wanting to spare himself from another lightning bolt* Fine.  
  
And Prince Harry is just leaning over to kiss Princess Cho when she sits bolt upright and looking horrified.  
  
Harry: Hey! You're supposed to wait until I kiss you!  
  
Princess Cho: No way! Your breath is strong enough to wake the dead! As I have just proved…  
  
Suddenly there is a loud roaring noise from outside the castle.  
  
Cho: You didn't slay the dragon?!  
  
Harry: It's on my to-do list, all right?  
  
Cho: *grumbles* And once again, they put the wrong movie in the script. Guys these days will listen to anything.  
  
They were just getting to the exit when another girl comes running up the stairs.  
  
Hermione: Harry! Since when do you go for older women?  
  
Harry: Since now.  
  
Hermione: but that's not fair! *pouts* I thought you loved me!  
  
Harry: *whispers* I do, but it's just for this part in the movie, okay? I promise, when this is over, I'll take you to Diagon Alley and get you that pretty ring you wanted.  
  
Hermione: *face lights up* Okay…  
  
Harry: But I thought you were going out with Ron.  
  
Hermione: Yeah, I was, but—  
  
Narrator: This is not the time to mess with your soap opera love lives!  
  
Harry: Okay, okay…  
  
All right, now after that one minor distraction, we can proceed to the real problem. The big pink dragon Voldemort has recovered from Harry's weak curse and is now flying over Prince Harry and Princess Cho and happens to be really, really mad.  
  
Dragon Voldemort: I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Princess Cho: Wrong movie, again.  
  
Voldemort: Dang it.  
  
Harry: And what are you trying to say?  
  
After recovering from the initial shock of Voldemort's sudden stupidity, Harry makes a vicious threat.  
  
Harry: Sorry, Voldemort, but I have to kill you now.  
  
Voldemort: *whimpers* But why can't we just be friends…?  
  
Harry: Hm, let me think about that. No.  
  
So Prince Harry gets all brave—  
  
Princess Cho: Not that brave. The dragon is pink!  
  
—and slays the Voldemort…dragon…thing. Well, so now Prince Harry and Princess Cho live happily ever after, until Hermoine comes back to kill Harry for ignoring her.  
  
1.1  
  
1.2 The End  
  
A/N: And what did you think of that? No, it doesn't get any dumber than this…at least I think so…but anyway, some of this I didn't put in the actual project, since I had to think really fast since I had about five minutes to finish it on the school computer until it was due. So just in case you're wondering, anything in bold font wasn't in the original. And now, if you are still mentally and physically okay (which I doubt), take a few seconds to review for this pathetic thingy. And if anyone cares, it is now a day after I started typing this at home, so I have successfully recovered my notebook. Thank you.( 


End file.
